Articles, Blogs, Real Stories & Exaggerations

The Australian Stuff Series is a writing project designed to bridge the gap between American and Australian values, kind of. Well, not really. It’s more of a sarcastic commentary on the things I have observed as an American adjusting to life in Australia. For the purpose of this series, I’m going to consider myself a…

My Australian mother-in-law says American bacon tastes like plastic. We disagree about this because I happen to know that American bacon actually tastes like something Jesus would cook himself for breakfast if he were real. Alternatively, I can tell you what fake Jesus would definitely NOT eat for breakfast, and that’s the warm ambiguous meat…

Let’s talk about Cricket. Not the bug, the game. Both equally exciting, but one is more important to Australians than the other. Honestly, it’s kind of the last thing I would prefer to write about, but this topic is painfully relevant in my daily life, and it’s a subject that many Australians feel strongly about. Those…

DISCLAIMER: Read this only if you can handle knowing that Shit gets REAL. Also, stay tuned because soon I’ll be posting a tentative schedule for new topics & series ideas to help everyone better understand what I’m trying to do here. In the meantime, read, enjoy, pee your pants laughing, secretly identify – whatever. Toilets are not things that…

Americans love Australian accents. I don’t think I really notice them anymore except when I cannot understand them, and then I am more annoyed than charmed. Just a few short years ago though, I can remember being absolutely enchanted with even the ugliest Australian accents. And yes, there is such a thing. I think most…

R Displacement is the bane of my Australian existence. Worse than slimy bacon, boring cricket and crappy toilet layouts combined. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, no worries, mate, because ‘R Displacement’ is a phrase that I actually coined myself. Why? Because I needed a name for the thing that makes me…

Spiders. If you’re an American, I probably just made you uncomfortable. Add to that, ‘Australian’ and you’re probably now thinking about 8-legged, bird eating, aliens and subsequently equating them with death. On the other hand, if you aren’t currently cringing and involuntarily touching the back of your neck, we’re either on the same level or…

Did you know that Australians don’t do Halloween? Well, they celebrate it, but they don’t actually do Halloween. They dress up a little bit and there’s been talk of candy the last few years, but the overwhelming impression is that Australians just don’t get Halloween. See, in America, Halloween is an expressive time. You can…