Itâ€™s been three months since I came back to America. Iâ€™d like to think that Iâ€™ve nearly readjusted to the accents and the fat-tastic food. What I am still struggling to come to terms with is the fact that I am living in a country where travel dreams are trumped by the American dream.
I can see the eyeballs rolling back in the skulls of my very dearest friends. No worries, Iâ€™m not here to talk about traveling. Iâ€™m here to talk about not traveling. Itâ€™s an idea I am struggling to get comfortable with despite the fact that it is actually my self-determined, personal goal.
You see, I came back to the states with the intention of sitting still for a minute. I wanted to get my own space, unpack my suitcase, sleep in my own bed every night and start my career. Naturally, I set out to actively pursue those goals. As it turns out, I guess I wasnâ€™t quite as ready for those changes as I wanted to be. In short, my brain appears to be stuck on travel-auto-pilot.
After coming all the way to Colorado to settle down in peace, my brain believes I am still in-transit. Up until yesterday, I was still involuntarily brainstorming ideas about teaching English in Taiwan and eyeballing the U.S. map to see which of the other 50 states might be worth checking out. Even though I have been determined to live here, to work here, to spend several consecutive months if not years here, I could not stop these thoughts from rolling around in my head.
Another thing I have been unable to do is unpack my suitcase. At the moment, weâ€™re housesitting and have been doing so for the past month, and the house is beautiful. We have our own bedroom complete with a closet and a dresser, and yet, the majority of my clothes remain tucked in my suitcase. I have about three outfits that I wear over and over because I just canâ€™t justify digging into the bottom half of my suitcase. But donâ€™t confuse this odd behavior with laziness.
You have to remember that Iâ€™ve been living out of a suitcase for two-and-a-half years. My brain has been trained to know that every time I take something out, I will just have to put it back in later. Unless the weather changes drastically or I run out of clean clothes, it just doesnâ€™t appeal to me to rummage through my bag for the sake of changing up my wardrobe. Iâ€™m also still very uncomfortable with acquiring any items that arenâ€™t necessities, especially if they wonâ€™t fit into my suitcase, despite the fact that I have an entire Subaru Forrester worth of personal storage space.
Thankfully, my recent job search and newfound enthusiasm for finding a place to live (which I can tell you will be somewhere in Golden if youâ€™re interested in visiting soon) has helped me come to terms with the fact that itâ€™s okay to leave my shampoo in the shower when Iâ€™m done with it.
Unfortunately, I still suffer from using Australian colloquialisms and making the assumption that everybody knows what a capsicum is.